does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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