I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
