i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize