Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
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