She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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