Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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