my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize