last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
