ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize