I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
