It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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