A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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