When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
