Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
