Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
