she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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