last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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