She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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