and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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