it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
