if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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