o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
people are starting to question the shark bite story
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
