sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
