I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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