I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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