I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
