We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
