New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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