I CAN MOONWALK!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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