i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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