either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just pee around me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
