He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
