Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
