I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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