Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
