i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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