U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Randomize