Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
