how can u be prego again
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
