He disabled his match.com account in front of me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
