Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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