genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
