i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
