I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
