I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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