I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
