I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
