He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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