Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
