so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I intend to get homeless drunk
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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