Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
