we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize