DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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