Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
