Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
