I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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