Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
