I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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