Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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