Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You made out with two different species that night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
