If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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