Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
