well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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