What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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