What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Randomize